The Mr. T Snickers ad below is some of the funniest shit I have seen in a long time.   And  it hasn’t been shown in the U.S. because The Human Rights Campaign has ruined everyone’s fun and whined that the ad is homophobic, saying:  “These kinds of ads perpetuate the notion that the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community is a group of second class citizens and that violence against GLBT people is not only acceptable, but humorous.”  Huh?  Honestly, I wasn’t even aware that speedwalking was a big thing in the transgender community.  Holy shit!  Has the world gone crazy?  Did Mr. T attack the guy in this ad because he thought he was gay?  Hell no.  Mr. T just pities the fool for being a sissy boy power walker.  Mr. T doesn’t want to hear any jibba jabber about power walking. The advertisement is hilarious and it is ludicrous that anybody would see fit to pressure a corporation to pull such an ad on the basis that it promotes violence against anybody.  As a matter of fact, I’m going to boycott Mars products until I see a commercial with Mr. T locking a full-on choke hold on Richard Simmons  and smashing Snickers bars down his throat.  People need to get a sense of humor.  I’m not gay, but if I were, I think I’d be kind of excited about Mr. T aiming something brown and sweet at my ass.  I’m just saying… Now check out the best commercial ever made:

want some candy

I recently saw some pictures of bad tattoos that made me cringe (I’ve got nothing against tattoos, I have a number of them myself) and I felt that I needed to share them.  Some had to do with misspellings.  But the really, really, hideous shit was the tattoo portraits.  It all started with this one, which I call  In Loving Memory of my Zombie Wife:

So I checked out the webpage for the guy who did the above abomination and found that he seems to almost specialize in astoundingly inaccurate and unintentionally scary portrait tats.  For example, look at this heartworming, I mean heartwarming, likeness of the couple that I will call Vern and Gertie:

 God damn it, I wish I had me some sweet ink like that.  I am sure that Vern is touched by the palsied looking likeness that his son got tattooed on his arm.  And, no doubt, Gertie’s dreams came true when her baby boy got a tattoo of her looking like she’s bearing down on a particularly troublesome bowel movement.

And then there’s this guy, who decided to get a tattoo of Drew Barrymore’s  special needs twin sister:

Here’s the tattoo that I like to call Gee Beaver, I don’t know, I just kind of feel like a big Creep with this on my arm:

I don’t want to make too much fun of this guy’s Grandma. It’s obvious he really loves her because she gets a position on his arm even above his pit bull.  Plus, he’ll probably kick my ass if I say anything bad about it:

 I love and miss my Grandpa, too.  But something would just feel kind of wrong about inking his grinning visage right above my erect nipple:

By the way, what was so bad about Grandpa’s hat that they decided to leave it off and instead ink in that handsome comb-over. 

And, finally, somebody got a portrait of this guy looking like he just ate a face-full of bus-exhaust:

Vicious Books is proud to announce the addition of the Dr. Reverend Lance Carbuncle to the VB family. Carbuncle has amassed a dedicated cult following with his debut novel, Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed.  He has been called the bastard child of everybody from Jack Kerouac to Christopher Moore to Henry Bukowski. We have to agree, he certainly is a bastard.  Dr. Carbuncle has joined with Vicious Books for the publication of his upcoming novel, Grundish and Askew (working title), due out later this year.  In the meantime, please check out the reviews of Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed on Reverend Carbuncle’s website, www. lancecarbuncle. com where you can purchase a signed copy of Smashed from Carbuncle. 

The family just got bigger, and slightly more disfunctional…Lance certainly fills the role of crazy drunk uncle quite nicely…Do stop by his myspace page and make nice…